roller coaster

well... i continue to be on a roller coaster.... there just doesnt seem to be any stopping leave along an option to get off!!!! hmm.... i am just soo tired... of knowing that something is no more in me.... sometimes in my interactions with ppl i see certain things come out of my mouth...that i am SHOCKED to hear...i mean its like there is this stuff which is just simmering beneath the surface, and sometimes..... well, a lot of times in the last 2-3 days.... just spouts out of my mouth before i can even begin to control it..... this is sooo sad.... i miss my frnds... DEBS.... having her arnd..i think was grounding me.... n now i am just feeling nuts.... :-( well, i think i got to just start meditating BEFORE i seriously do go crazy..... i got a reply frm the bk club lady, asking me stuff...i sent a reply....still awaiting the her reply... did she decide to not invite me? coz i think i just got a lil carried away in my mail...rambling on n on abt books!!! well.... this is my life these days... totally messed up... n no i am not loving it.... IF ONLY... probably the WORST 2 words 1 can ever start thinking about in conjunction with one's life or oneself!!!!!