BzzzZZzz

i am sooo TIREd.... of GOd...i dont kno why.. may b its the graveyard shift...i am feeling sooo SLEEPY! hmm...lots of ideas just buzzing in my head... BzzzzZZZZzzzzZZZZzzzz hmm...i got to GET UP and TAKE ACTION .... i got to do something and PULL myself OUT of this daldal!!! i dont kno y but enuf is enough..... UFffff... well... lets do some r& d now n see what can b done!

fri morning - blogin after long!

Hi... blogging after a long time... everyday i think of blogging but then i dont coz i dont really have anything to say... my mind has just been void.... no emotions per se... just am not really sure.. past couple of days has been a blur! well, the GOOD thing - i have finished 'The Da Vinci Code'... amazing book.. after a really long time i read something i cldnt put down..i just had to keep going back to it! well, next i dont know what i will read... but it sure has made me realise how very little i do know about a lot of things....:-( well, LIFe is still the same.. ni change ... no improvements..... ALL my friends are playing up.. i guess its what they say, when u change, your old friends dont relate to you anymore and thus dont know how to handle you...etc etc.... net, it saddens me that my friends are behaving like this.... n i realise that probably thru this transit when i move forward i shall be alone.. and that at some level does sadden me :( well, somedays, like these days, it is blaringly clear how stark my life is, how alone i am... i dont know why these lessons are happening... but i am afraid of never coming out of this... will i ever come out of this? will my dreams ever be a reality or will i always just dream????? this melancholy seems to be my abode permanently..... hmm....... dont know what to do.. dont know the way out.... dont know much.... right now, dont know anything!!!!! cheers/I

wednesday- end of shift!

well,end ti another looong day... i have been in office now for 13 hours and it will be another 1/2 hour before i leave.... hmm... i am really tired... but i am feeling good... got tons of work accomplished today... my new subset campaign went live SMOOTHLY... thank god and touch wood for that.... :-) well, since today is wednesday nite, i am gonna go home n watch a good 2 hours of TV.... yea.... coz my favourite programs are coming today... its amazing but i soo totally love these 2 prgs n they actually have the power to make me smile and feel better!!!!! i wonder whether this is TV dependancy??? heeheeeeeeheeee.... so stupid... as 1 of my new frnds calls me when i do silly things..."silly goose"...i just find it sooo cute that i dont even feel affronted leave alone telling her to behave!!!!! bought some stuff from prayas today... not that i really have the money, but its all for a good coz, n anyways if the money wld have stayed with me i wld have spent on something stupid like drinknig more colas......but i sooo totally LOVE the stuff i bought...... 2 neem bark pencils, a lil pouch and a pretty notebook made of handmade paper.....i have christened it as my "DREAM BOOK"... coz i think it is time i gave my dreams the importance they deserve... and perhaps, finally i will spend some quality and quantity time positively visualizing about my dreams and their reality in the future.............................................. well....good nite.... n to a wonderful trow!!!!

monday...AGAIN!!!

well, another week begins... it is pretty unbeleivable that october has also began.... this year is actually just slipping through my fingers!!!! well, have not been sticking to my diet!!! the ONLY HEALTHY thing i have been doing is drinking a glass of fresh juice everyday... i dont know how i am going to EVER lose any weight... hmm.... i think i need to start blogging the good stuff ...however minute happening everyday too..... well today, i got lots of compliments on my new haircut :-)...i think its totally changed my look.... hmm...interesting...i think i am looking good too :-) anthr good thing...FINALLY, all the september reports have been made n sent!!!! so, now i can start focusing on October and what all needs to be done!!! what i still need to do::: my PPDP..... i dont kno y i am postponing it... !! i now some time ago i was not in an emotional state to handle it.... but NOW??? now i dont know y i am still not completing it...!!!! what else, i am still alone.... and lonely.... all my friends are real busy... and no one is waiting in the wings for me either..... see what i cant figure out is... what is my life supposed to be ??? i mean i wish i could just find some PEACE with my LIFE..The way it is right now... instead of always wanting that better life or even that other life which i know is not mine.....i dont know what is my life going to me!!! I had thought that this week i will NOT stay back at work... but i just cant seem to help it... n the sad thing is all my frnds are in the other shift, so they leave by 10pm...i am the only idiot who keeps sitting ..... ok... so i work a lil, blog a lil..n by then its time to go home anyways... not much value add here.... but yeah, i guess atleast i get to BLOG.... i mean i kno y i dont want to go bk home... but i wish it wasnt so.... i wish i had a better control over myself and i was able to be OKAY with my solitude..... hmm.... this is tiring...i think i will go now... go have a ciggy n then go on home....

roller coaster

well... i continue to be on a roller coaster.... there just doesnt seem to be any stopping leave along an option to get off!!!! hmm.... i am just soo tired... of knowing that something is no more in me.... sometimes in my interactions with ppl i see certain things come out of my mouth...that i am SHOCKED to hear...i mean its like there is this stuff which is just simmering beneath the surface, and sometimes..... well, a lot of times in the last 2-3 days.... just spouts out of my mouth before i can even begin to control it..... this is sooo sad.... i miss my frnds... DEBS.... having her arnd..i think was grounding me.... n now i am just feeling nuts.... :-( well, i think i got to just start meditating BEFORE i seriously do go crazy..... i got a reply frm the bk club lady, asking me stuff...i sent a reply....still awaiting the her reply... did she decide to not invite me? coz i think i just got a lil carried away in my mail...rambling on n on abt books!!! well.... this is my life these days... totally messed up... n no i am not loving it.... IF ONLY... probably the WORST 2 words 1 can ever start thinking about in conjunction with one's life or oneself!!!!!