I's Space

Life turns..

2010-09-27T00:46:00.000+05:30

Life has turned completely....from where I was to where I am -- there is a world of a difference.
Yet! patterns seem to be repeating yet again!!!

So much to do, so much to figure out, so little time!!!
when will i get all i want to do, done?

About: Butterflies

2010-06-18T10:54:00.001+05:30

An article about Butterflies :)
http://www.care2.com/greenliving/all-about-butterflies.html

HAPPY NEW YEAR :)

2010-01-05T17:44:00.000+05:30

HAPPY NEW YEAR :)

B +ve

2009-11-20T11:48:00.001+05:30

Be DEAF when people tell YOU that YOU can not fulfil YOUR dreams!
Always think:
I can do this!
(from d frog story)

so far so good!

2009-11-17T13:16:00.000+05:30

thinking...re-thinking.... n then thinking some more.... until i realise i dont remember what i was thinking about to begin with!!!

-awe-inspiring blog!

2009-07-22T16:32:00.002+05:30

http://satyabratadam.blogspot.com/ -awe-inspiring blog!

somedays, you come across blogs which talk abt a life so different and pictorial stories so lovely - that you forget all that is daily struggle and move onto a very different plain!
Thanks Rajraman (rajreflects.blogspot.com) for sharing :)

a new fancy!

2009-07-06T15:39:00.004+05:30

What I like best... when i catch a new fancy, a new hobby, a new interest... it just rev's up my life and day... I can feel the excitement :) :D

Any ideas for managing multiple interests... do i keep adding info in 1 word doc or website links on an excel sheet???? what do i do... i come across such interesting things.... then i fear that if i dont save it somewhere, i wont find it again...... any ideas? Suggestion???

Cheers.....I

Adieu

2009-07-06T14:42:00.002+05:30

In this year so far i have learnt.... People only love you (if there is such a thing! anymore?!!), befriend you, are true to you - in so far as it suits them.
You in the equation become irrelevant... especially in front of their needs & wants... or whatever convulated logic works for them!

Lost someone very dear to me to the politics of life! Adieu my friend....my rock!

Have a Mentor... Be a Mentor

2009-03-28T17:05:00.002+05:30

A quick read - interesting!

who is your mentor?
i think we all have different mentor's at different times, for different spaces in time & mind!

quick update

2009-03-28T16:47:00.005+05:30

To : A, A, S, S, J & S, S, P, M, etc [sorry! cant write e'1's names today] .... (wonderful women in my life! who nag me none-the-less!)
{i just realised, many of my friends have names starting with 'S' - coincidence? u have a different theory?}
so i know some times it seems like i am crazy... but the fact is, i usually am! its not by choice!
I am trying to be and do... but, something has set me back!
and though life has taught me, & I usually do jump back - it is taking me time! so, i dont mean to ignore u... I am just trying to get on with life...and so i am not calling and writing as much as i used to.... it's only coz i am trying to find me - the me of small joys and in love with sunshine :)

so, dear girl friends - be patient! i will be back - hopefully, sooner than later :)

work - is crazy! and hectic! and the work days are being increased from next month (call me, and i will tell u all about it! n how i feel abt it too!)....

my dear friend- Simran (another S!) - got married this month - it was good fun, she looked gorgeous and we all dressed up :) - would u believe it - we forgot! to take snaps! so, you will just have to believe me when i say - 'we (I) looked lovely' :p

can't believe she is finally married and will be doing domestic chores! i cant wait to hear the horrors! LOL!

Hope - this is enough of an update! now u know! so, stop pestering me about blogging! :)

& by the way - you ALL need to update your blogs too!

good day :)

Natalie du Toit

2008-11-19T15:13:00.004+05:30

I just read about: Natalie du Toit

stories of strengths are always found blossoming from tragedies beyond the known & accepted... History and every day shows - victories are in the making all around us.. how each of us will respond to a tragedy (our understanding of it) will define who we are and where we will allow that incident to take us.
will it become an element which eliminates or one which accelerates?
I always look back and wonder, if it weren't for the experiences i labeled bad! would i have become the person i am... would these characteristics - some which i love, and some which i don't, have manifested in this particular manner.

We read of so many success stories... but i wonder of the unsuccessful one's... no one writes about those. And who decided on the label... when does your or my story become a success? and until then, is there no uniqueness in our unsuccessful stories of struggle?

ride it (verse)

2008-11-11T00:37:00.004+05:30

ride it (10th & 11th Nov 08/ when the day changed date at night)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
drum...beats....music.... ride it...flows around...a sea of music...

so you made another mistake
you broke your own heart into 2
now you sit too tired for tears

if there is beauty
you are blind to it tonight
if there is hope
its on the cover of your book

did life pass by
is it twilight already?

is laughter truly joy
or rudiments of shattered blessings?

imitation of intimacy
is it real anymore? is anything?

you fight the obvious
what are the odds of your winning?

bid adieu my friend
your time has come
go sleep
go away

no, no, no
don't come in my dreams
don't show me what is yours

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy Diwali

2008-10-28T00:22:00.002+05:30

TO all the visitors - friends, clients, readers, critiques & complimentors....
WISH YOU A VERY HAPPY DIWALI...
MAY THE GODDESS OF PROSPERITY SHOWER HER BLESSINGS UPON YOU & YOUR FAMILIES.....
Best Wishes,
Team Isheeria

Ishieta

September

2008-10-07T19:47:00.002+05:30

My wish to blog more often has seen no action...here i am attempting to atleast do a monthly blog - a sort of a recap! and in my case, also introspect & review... thinking and day dreaming - some of my favourite pass times :)

wasnt feeling so lovely today, so finally updated my flickr n shelfari... http://www.shelfari.com/ishieta/

I have just finished reading 'The Orchid Hunter' by J.M. Landis (my rvw is on shelfari)...i was fascinated by Orchid hunters -- until this book i hadnt even known such a hunt existed....some googling later... i find it is true.. and the flowers are indeed beautiful.. the words in the novel were near accurate in descibing them.

September saw a lot of debates with my family re: my work... we all agree on progress just not the path to it.. and in my case, the amount of effort & time to be put in...

i suppose 1 must be born with a silver spoon to take life easy... choices are often based on too many considerations.. so much so that they take away from freedom & choice!

Sept began with a mountain of work @ office and very little time devoted to anything else. The month end sees a mountain of boredom instead.

Many things continue to be pending - tasks/ discussions/ books/ decisions/ attitudes/ changes...

perhaps, October will bring closure & some new beginnings too....

waiting to exhale!

2008-09-18T00:08:00.002+05:30

the image... suspended mid-air from a firm rope... paddling around trying to push back air n move forward!!!! FOOL!!!

how many full circles can 1 do? how many times can the same experience happen? what could i possibly not be learning?

where does the day go? and all those other days too? 24 hours of what? how many moments spent in living the hassles of others, and how many loving the weather? where do you go moment to moment?

some songs, like Karunesh's 'aao hazoor' has the most haunting melody and lovely instrumental .. and for those 7 minutes you can transport yourself to any place in the world... i do...everytime... and invariably go to the same place....!

quote i liked:

Perhaps imagination is only intelligence having fun. ~George Scialabra

mind blocks = fears frozes in our heads from past experiences which didnt quite work out as we had hoped...

and 2nd chances....do you/ we/ I still believe in them?

do you think i should just change the way i blog?

and this is it... crux of the matter... my mind (like this blog today) is all over the place.. and jumping from 1 to another non-related topic....and the link unclear!

perhaps...trow....

Life these days

2008-05-23T19:15:00.001+05:30

How life gets crazier and crazier - its like a roller coaster ride!

16 & 17 Feb

2008-02-17T14:04:00.003+05:30

I have had a busy weekend so far, and if it hadnt been for work today - I would have probably been out all day attenting programs... I realised, all these 'programs' have a purpose, message or some progress they are trying to establish, and so 1 must spend atleast a few thoughts reflecting on the event.... I will henceforth, attempt to THINK about the things i do, the places i go, the programs i watch - and observe my reflections! surely, there is much to be learnt from everything!!!

Even to dislike something or like something - to have an opinion - you must experience it - only then is your Opinion genuine & rightfully yours to share & not just based on hearsay!

15 Feb

2008-02-15T19:47:00.002+05:30

I have observed & experienced - energy is a communicable disease!
I come into work all awake and see people sprawled on their chairs, and a few hours later thats the pose i am in too - - being around sleepy ppl makes me sleepy... even thought i have slept my whole 8 hours!

It is true, life passes you by while you are busy with meanigless tasks & obsessions.... we participate sometimes in conversations that lead no where, which are forgotten sooner than the echo of the last sentence!
We become so comfortable in the known that we dont even realise when we become boring...so when 1 is bored should'nt 1 be actually looking at branching out....

Note to self: Nothing will be served on a platter....silver or not!

looking at October

2007-11-04T02:51:00.000+05:30

My mum keeps asking if i have met any1!!! I havent - the fact that I am not looking notwithstanding... and its confusing when you cant seperate some1 being friendly from some1 actually flirting. So, I stick to being friendly!

I think NY is like a layered cake! The experiences keep changing - every week i see more, understand more, my opinions change...its a roller coaster ride!
NJ is pleasant - its the sub lifestyle...
i love my life in India - coz i have the best of both world's - when I need the hustle bustle a'la NY - I step out n go shopping/ sightseeing/ partying with my friends... when i want suburbia - I stay at home, take a cup of tea, sit on my balcony - look at at the trees and the neighbors kids playing and reading intermittently...perhaps with some music playing in the background - sometimes just the local radio station! :)

My stay has extended than originally planned, and I dont know how to handle the cold winds... If i wear a coat - its too much, if i dont - its too less!

I did have BEER at OKTOBERFEST !!! :)

I have experienced (being the recipient off) first hand the difference between being friends with and being friendly - in this place, everyone is friendly and polite... and thats it.
I fear, we in delhi, are becoming like this too... more often than not i see people paying lip service and then going home and forgetting about it!

Definitely, the life is tougher here, I cant believe I spend 3 hours of my life every day in just travelling!
I see people here, older than my grandma, hopping onto the bus, walking the blocks, carrying their own (big) bags! The only thing my grandma carries is here tiny! bag with some cash and jewels!

I love the trees in autumn - they look gorgeous.
I like the fact that people leave at 6pm - sharp! long hours are not a sign of dedication... You get to keep your job anyway, even if you leave a little early - everyday! As LONG AS you finish your work!
and the option of choosing your shift - so there is an 8 to 4:30 pm shift... part of the reason i like my job back home - these are our timings - so even if i get stuck in a meeting - on a usualy day i can hope to get home by 5:30pm!

I had the most amazing weekend which i spent at my aunt's place - aunty and uncle are beautiful people - it was almost like sitting at the dining table with one's own parents...
I have never known a father, it is precious to me that uncle took the time out to have tea with me - talk about various things - ADVICE me... if i do well, they will not benefit! how selfless of them to be genuine... I may never be able to pay them back in kind!
Is this what it is like to have a dad? someone who doesnt let you take the bus coz its raining?

reality tv - cant watch it

2007-10-30T08:26:00.000+05:30

Can you believe the CRAP these reality shows are?
n i only check 'em out to have an opinion - if i like i stay with em, but some...you HAVE to change the channel...for instance:
The Bachelor - one feels so sorry for these women - if this is true... and if it is staged - then i feel even more sorry for all of them... relationships are tough enough without national embarassment and disgrace!
and are they actually suggesting and showing the bachelor sleeping with the FINALISTS (reality anyone?) of the show... oh, thank god for the good 'ol fashioned saga of love and lust and batting eye lashes and blushes and dates and cakes...!

flash

2007-10-19T07:35:00.000+05:30

sometimes, time isnt enough... can I afford to forget...should i move on - only to find i have set myself up again? for until i can forgive and trust again... chances will always have the same results...
sometimes, distance - time or space makes reality fade, the ugly truth takes on the sheen of healthy undercurrents... but, when I come face to face with the prince - he is still the ugly monster who wants to eat my heart for dessert (I am not even the main course!)...
....d story continues....

Updates...mid month-Sept

2007-10-18T14:14:00.000+05:30

After the lights of NY...NJ seems alian... I mean NJ is quiter than even the outskirts of any of our cities...in almost all indian cities/towns and villages(here, i guess),in the evenings, you will always see some children playing, some people strolling out on the streets, you can hear people and families...here, by the time i come back - 8pm!!!! {what is 8pm i ask you?} there are some (read:2-3) people waiting for a bus into NY and ONLY cars on the streets rushing towards their destinations (offcourse, they ALL spare a cursory glance for me - which is a change, pleasant or not, from NY where people would go right through me if they could!...i wonder, what they must think of this woman carrying a back pack like a kid and a purse like a lady and standing at a gas station corner!)....I digress...time for a color change...NJ is a pleasant surprise...well, atleast the part i am in... and a b'ful name like meadowlands... oh, and today i made my 1st acquintance...with dr.s/proffs no less! and they looked just like normal ppl (this comment comes from my complete inaptitude at anything academic but a dream of being well read and an intellectual -- some day!)....

It has dawned on me:
--Fruits are also FOOD for vegetarians!
-- the commute is worth it for the scenic view :)
-- too much diet coke is STILL a lot of soda! and it causes a tummy upset!
-- I have no concept of $ (I u'stand Rs.100 vs. Rs. 10 but not $10 vs. $1.....)

My progress so far:
--I have understood the concept of uptown/downtown... and as long as i am in manhattan - i can get around! once i know the complete address that is!
-- I have found a good and economical b'fast place -- and which doesnt serve burnt coffee or bagels (unlike the deli next door to my previous hotel)
-- This city - like all others - has its good and bad.... the ugly -luckily i havent seen...(plz! say! tOUcH wOoD :)

Things which fascinate me/ make me want to jump off my yatra vahan (journey vehicle) and go CliCk....cLicK....cLICk.....:

a restaurant in central part with angel lights and lanters...MaGik...I did take pics - i just hope to come out as awesome as the experience

statue of liberty - saw it from the cruise ship... I want to go look closer... I am surprised i found such an overused piece of sculpture to be so fascinating!

homes done up for Halloween.. this is something i have never seen before...the houses look like homes... so comfortable and inviting...truly havens!
(tho' this does leave me wondering - if u r sitting inside yr house - how r u enjoying the garden/window display).... are these for us?
My commuting and travelling is so worth it... i am exploring parts of this city which as a tourist i wouldnt have...

I am very glad in this 1 trip i am getting to experience both lifestyles here in US -the madness of NY - the heart and pulse.... and the suburbs... both lives are so different...yet overlap...

i didnt think i would stay here so long... and I wonder if I have managed to cover a lot here or not! I definitely appreciate this place more each day... I like this place more than when i got here....now all i need is 10,000 - pick yr currency ($/Rs.) a few days off and i will get you reels and reels of AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cheers,
I

world vision

2007-10-10T11:57:00.001+05:30

...You may not be able to change the world...but you can change the world for 1 person...
~World Vision (donate.org)

supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

2007-10-08T02:09:00.000+05:30

According to Wiki:
Roots of the word have been defined, as Richard Lederer writes in his book Crazy English as follows: super- "above," cali- "beauty," fragillistic- "delicate," expeali- "to atone," and docious- "educable," with the sum of these parts signifying roughly "Atoning for educatability through delicate beauty." This explication of its connotations suits the fictional character of Mary Poppins, in that she presents herself as both superlatively beautiful and also supremely intelligent and capable of great achievements. ....HUH!!!

Well, I knew I could not be in New York and not see a BROADWAY show... I mean these are the kind of things which become the highlights of a trip... make some of the most amazing memories of life... and was I right....so, I spend saturday - catching up on my sleep, then going on a nice bus tour of downtown (I think!) - I still have to do the other side - uptown!?

So, I went and saw 'MARY POPPINS' - its fabulous... I would recommned everyone to check it out atleast once.... I mean WOW! I didnt know theatre could be like this... I mean I have attended some theatre in Delhi, both professional and amateur... but I have seen nothing like this... the acting! the music! the songs - oh, b'ful, wonderful songs!... a spoonful of sugar anyone!
http://disney.go.com/theatre/marypoppins/

hmm... I also went to Madame Tussauds - freaky...glad I went once! oh, n did get a pic with Brad/Angeline!

saw the statue of liberty... definitely something u want to go visit - like a picnic trip - I do wish I'd had more time to spend looking at it... a very interesting piece of art... the movies never really prepare u for the real thing! v. b'ful experience! made me wish i had a zoom-in camera for some good shoots of the art work.

oh, HATE the FOOD here.... considering I am a foodie - this has been a nightmare... If I ever had any thoughts of someday in my remote future I might consider moving to US as a career move - I now dont see it happening... tho' never saw never n all... but it will have to be something VERY Irresistable!

Weather in NY is nice this time of the year - Its like a Bangalore summer... it still is... I like it... you can walk around without sweating like a pig.... oh, yea! n anyone can tell I am a tourist...I just stand on the sidewalks n stare at the architecture n shops windows around me....and I am sooo HAPPY to realise I can buy all these things back home... the only thing we dont have is a BROADWAY! but, then Dan's plays are excellent - so, maybe there is still hope for our city of djinns!!!

offcourse, the only ppl I do know in US are in Texas!!!! Could we still be any farther away! atleast, when u r in different continents u know its impossible... but when u r in the same country yet to be so far!!!! interesting... and irritating... and try explaining to your school friends why u cant just drop in for the weekend in tx from ny.... and u dont even want to go into your $ budget! d other school frnds r now in Canada... and offcourse, my 2.....2.... TWO.....!!!!Best Friends are in Delhi on the 1 weekend I am not there!
UNFAIr....unFAir....uNFaiR....

oh, I bought the latest O - Oprah magazine... a FIRST for me... I completely think this lady is awesome... I may not always agree with her views... but it doesnt stop me from appreciating strength of character and DISCIPLINE...which I sadly still lack....
another person who I find is fascinating is Alankrita.... the woman must have secret duracell batteries in her! how do u do a doctorate, work as a lowly worm in the labs, be a good student, a good wife and still find time to call a not-realy-as-yet-a-friend... and still retain humour and the time to blog and yes, read GAP coupons!... I mean...WOW.....do u sleep at all???

Shelly and Anubhuti and Shruti on the other hand have completely abandoned me.. they have disappeared... If u r reading this.... BOO!!!!

oh, WORK is GREAT as usual - completely over whelming, dry and boring... makes me wish I was a magician! a tap of my wand on the laptop... n voila! all reports complete! and PERFECT!

hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..... the highlight: a apple scented shampoo.... this is Life... humbling... humourous... it makes u laugh.. it sure makes u cry... and the end, u can only be thankful u r still human....

ink

2007-10-08T01:36:00.000+05:30

There is something so speccial about writing with an ink pen on nice paper... somehow, makes e'thing so much rosy :)

2007-10-07T19:26:00.000+05:30

Fact- I have lost many of my friends lately.... oh, we are very polite about it, but just soo busy with our lives that we are unavailable...n so i count them as acquintances but friends - - there needs to be more!
the philosophy behind this: ppl serve their purpose in life, once they have taught their lesson - they move on....

in the last 2-3 days, 2 ppl have referred to me as jaded... n they sure werent talking about my green earings...

how much self we give away without realising it. until not much is left...

dreams are magic....they make u invincible for u believe!

paradox life

2007-10-07T19:24:00.000+05:30

The more things change the more they remain the same... .the further you go down a road, the more you recognise land marks from places visited before, the more I run towards my future the more I find myself in the past...

paradox is life...

Videshi Yatra! -23 Sept 07

2007-09-24T08:30:00.000+05:30

So, I love travelling, ans since this trip is a big deal for me on many levels - i thought i would blog it n capture it... A travelougue of my days here in the US.

I arrived today morning...sunday, 23rd September 2007...
loong flight (for someone travelling outside india for the 1st time - 15 hours!!!!) was a lil scared of the air-hostesses...they r so serious n umm, makes u almost apologise for calling them... filled out multiple forms, stood in so many lines that i am convinced i lost some weight!!!
no no, dont worry, I aint losing those precious kilos..i had a cheese cake post dinner to make up for it! n man was it worth it! I wonder WHY until NOW i hadnt discovered Cheesecake!

oh, they actually charge u for the luggage trolley at the airport!!! weird eh?

I am in town in time for the United Nations meet n there is a lot of news coverage of the visit by Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.... its impact on me... the gridlock in the coming week will impact the travel routes... n i still have to figure out d way from my hotel to office - the shortest n economical 1....instead i think over the next 1 week i will explore NY city through detours n spend a lot of time ogling at the buildings n marvelling at the architecture (!)

obviosly, my clock is still somewhere over europe! i feel like the matrix hour... neend nahi aati hai... n then can wake up....ended up running late for dinner!
went to an exclusive italian restaurant (cant remember the name - if i find out i will update) -- decent food...Yummy cheesecake, v. nice latte :) , LIVE PIANO music... apparently u can only get a reservation here thru' shhhh... jaan-pehchaan!

so many places i want to visit... heading the list : Starbucks n Barnes n noble - should be able to cover these 2 trow!

well, good night, dear blog....until trow :)

blah-blah

2007-08-29T10:22:00.000+05:30

Had a relaxed weekend (for the 1st time this year, i am sure!)...slept a lot, read a few pages of many books... rediscovered my interest in painting candles~

saw Heyy Babyy... not worth my time or money :(
d only good thing - i loved shah rukh khan's new look - v. suave n young!

been trying to catch up with 2 frnds - i think finally this evening we will manage! we have actively been trying for over a week now - our schedules just keep clashing or we are so tired that even yawning is too much work!
so, tonite, we meet n Gossip! gossip! gossip!

life is about - i dont know what...

August

2007-08-12T18:22:00.000+05:30

random thoughts.....

~ some1 v nicely wrote on my pg - they liked reading my blog...yea!!!
it feels really good to know that someone out there reads yr blog n likes it too :) Thanks

~ i just saw a rerun of koffee with karan show with katrina kaif - can u b any more boring!!!

~ I have finally managed to get my hands on the latest harry potter (mum was enjoying it!)

~ I splurged on a few books..... :) v.v. interesting 1....

~ My bestest friend was in town, spent a wonderful time together

~ another friend was in town, spent v. lil time together - wld love to get together more often....

sometimes, i wish all my frnds lived close by so i cld spend time with them without having to tackle schedules and day off's and keep looking out fr economical tckts!!! or else, i wish i just had a pair of wings!!! :)

~ i learnt - smtimes an interest on further investigation is not something u truly want to invest yrself in..... n so u hv to b ok with it - n let go....

cheers....

my 1st Tag

2007-08-12T17:35:00.001+05:30

Hey Iris... I wrote this as soon as u tagged me...but coz of sm inet connection goof up..i lost it.... so, here it goes agn!

My 1st TAG..... n my first try at it........

3 things that scare me
~ losing my loved ones
~ Scary movies…scary anything…
~ Motion at high altitudes

3 people who make me laugh/smile
~ Payal
~ My mum
~ Tejas
~Shelly
~Anubhuti
~Strawberry

Hey, 6 is a multiple of 3!

3 things I love
(clearly this is about Things n not people…)
~ my car
~my laptop
~my phones

3 things/kinds I hate
~ manipulators
~ abuse and abusers!
~ being misunderstood

3 things I don't understand
~ Why it’s so difficult to lose weight!
~ Why money makes the world go round
~ Where are all the amazing men!?

3 things on my desk
(I assume this is my work desk, as compared to my study desk at home)
~ Different colour pens
~ Lots of papers :(
~ Water bottle

3 things I’m doing right now
~ Working long hours
~ trying not to fall for Mr. Wrong
~ growing my hair J

3 things I want to do before I die
~ travel the world
~ set up an Animal shelter
~ touch many lives – positively!
(Make a lot of money – go shopping, go for holidays, go to the Spa, look hot, be loved)

3 things I can do
~ Talk/ chat/ gossip/ make non-sense
~ make you laugh/smile
~ Do cross-stitch embroidery

3 things you should listen to
~ me giving GYAN!
~ Rain
~ Blue’s ‘1 love’ (its kinda funny how life can change...can flip 180 in a matter of days.....)

3 things you should never listen to…
~ negative self talk
~ negative people
~ your boss!

3 things i'd like to learn
~ Violin
~ Languages
~ Pottery

3 favorite foods
~ Cheese
~ Potato
~ Lady fingers

3 beverages I drink regularly
~ Coke
~ Coffee
~ Tea

3 childhood TV shows
(childhood was looong ago… so here’s my teenage ones!)
~ Beverly hills 90210
~ Buffy – the vampire slayer
~ The Practice

3 childhood books
~ A lot of Enid Blyton
~ Investigation series - Nancy Drew/ Famous 5/ Secret 7/ Hardy boys
~ Mallory Towers series

If you havent done this.... consider yourself TAGGED!
:)

Tags...

2007-08-12T17:35:00.000+05:30

Hey Iris... I wrote this as soon as u tagged me...but coz of sm inet connection good up..i lost it.... so, here it goes agn!

My 1st TAG..... n my first try at it........
3 things that scare me
~ losing my loved ones
~ Scary movies…scary anything…
~ Motion at high altitudes

3 people who make me laugh/smile
~ Payal
~ My mum
~ Tejas
~Shelly
~Anubhuti
~Strawberry

Hey, 6 is a multiple of 3!

3 things I love
(clearly this is about Things n not people…)
~ my car
~my laptop
~my phones

3 things/kinds I hate
~ manipulators
~ abuse and abusers!
~ being misunderstood

3 things I don't understand
~ Why it’s so difficult to lose weight!
~ Why money makes the world go round
~ Where are all the amazing men!?

3 things on my desk
(I assume this is my work desk, as compared to my study desk at home)
~ Different colour pens
~ Lots of papers
~ Water bottle

3 things I’m doing right now
~ Working long hours
~ trying not to fall for Mr. Wrong
~ growing my hair J

3 things I want to do before I die
~ travel the world
~ make my mom happy - gift her: a home, a car, a piano, no-limit a/c with Teksons...etc
~ touch many lives – positively!
(Make a lot of money – go shopping, go for holidays, go to the Spa, look hot, be loved)

3 things I can do
~ Talk/ chat/ gossip/ make non-sense
~ make you laugh/smile
~ Do cross-stitch embroidery

3 things you should listen to
~ me giving GYAN!
~ Akon’s ‘I wanna love you’
~ Blue’s ‘1 love’

3 things you should never listen to…
~ negative self talk
~ negative people
~ your boss!

3 things i'd like to learn
~ Violin
~ Languages
~ Pottery
(this used to say Dance - I tried it... structured class for dance isnt for me.. I love the JOY of letting myself go n dancing!)

3 favorite foods
~ almost e'thing my mum cooks...
~ Potato
~ Lady fingers

3 beverages I drink regularly
~ Coke
~ Coffee
~ Tea

3 childhood TV shows
(childhood was looong ago… so here’s my teenage ones!)
~ Beverly hills 90210
~ Buffy – the vampire slayer
~ The Practice

3 childhood books
~ A lot of Enid Blyton
~ Nancy Drew/ Famous 5/ Secret 7/ Hardy boys
~ Mallory Towers series

If you havent done this.... consider yourself TAGGED!
:)

Tag – Few random facts and crazy habits

2007-08-12T16:57:00.000+05:30

Iris tagged, n offcourse i'm late...but here it goes!!!!

Tag Rules:
1) Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
2) People who are tagged, write a blog post about their own 8 random things, and post these rules.
3) At the end of your post you need to tag 8 people and include their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment and
4) If you fail to do this within eight hours, you will have to acknowledge Quicksilver as the Queen of the Universe (*I already did, and now it's your turn guys*)

*********************************************

1. I have a monthly Pizza dinner ritual with my mum

2. I am a couch potato - i love tv/ movies/ BOOKS

3. I enjoy Flirting - i think its a positive habit!

4. I dont like milai/cream in my tea/java/milk

5. I live to eat... (n not eat to live)

6. I like drinking java, i like hanging out at coffee shops

7. I like perfumes/ scents - aromatherapy

8. i like to gossip - i even ssh.... read celeb gossip columns!!!

phew...done..this was tougher than i thought... but then iris is rite, that is the interesting thing about tags--- it makes u think - and its an opportunity to surprize yrself!

Yo Reader - u r tagged :)

2007-07-01T20:08:00.000+05:30

I am a COMMUNICATOR...my life is about people - talking to people, reaching out to them.... just being there.... my phone is my lifeline....... sometimes it does become a prison (read: office calls!) ... otherwise, its a tool i have chosen to make my life better... I LIKE my friends!

This outburst is a direct result of talking with 1 of my good friends (Shelly) after 6 weeks! i like the fact that we are ourselves, jump from topic to topic... and make loads of sense to each other (only) and have great fun....

i know distances and schedules impact, but i guess when a person is important - u make an extra effort... SHELLY - You are a friend worth that extra effort, going that extra mile!!!!

Did i mention....we are going dancing girl!

Hurting teeth!

2007-05-26T19:28:00.000+05:30

The thing is:
when u have so much going on ~ on the physical arena of life - that's when your mind plays up - you feel tired- you are inspired to clean your room and your teeth just hurt!

ahum! the thing about hurting teeth is - your entire focus is on not letting it drive u crazy!

unfortunately, thats precisely what it did to me today...as if it wasnt bad enought to be working on a saturday - with a teeth ache (coz many of 'em are hurting) - my productivity and efficiency has hit a new time low! notto mention i feel like yanking my teeth out - almost makes me wish i had dentures like my granma!

on this teeth crunching eve.....Aloha!

I will update this blog as the NEW and IMPROVED...read: older! and WISER ME!

need friend - wanna study

2007-05-05T03:10:00.000+05:30

I: I am thinking of studying further
A: ok! have u thought what u want to do?
I: yeah, I have my course picked out - just dont know about the speacialisation....
A: oh, ok, so if u know what u want to do; then all u need is moral support...

Now, post this conversation with a very supportive (and cute) friend about my worries of persuing anything resembling books - stydying - exams !!!!- I am thinking - no 1 told me this was a support thing too - n that made so much sense... we always find it easier to achieve those personal goals in which we have a friend encouraging us from the sidelines - egging us on - believing that we can do it! so even when in fear and doubt - u call each other - over a telephone call get a shot of courage and get back on the proverbial horse - and manage somehow, perhaps just barely to MEET your goal.

so, if I do decide to persue further stydying in any area - part of my success strategy will be putting my friend support structure in place - before i begin - ensuring my ability to stick to my path even in tremelous times!!!

I dont want to wear my heart on my sleeve!

2007-05-05T02:55:00.000+05:30

The thing about love - we girls - r in love with the idea of being in love... isnt that why its soo easy to build castles in the air!
this reminds me of uday chopra's role in Dhoom - just met the girl n already dreams of his marriage n babies!

I had my heart broken - once - I swore to myself I would never again give my heart to any1. but i am still in love with the idea of being in love - my heart is worn on my sleeve...still....silly, silly girl!

my friend's Roka ceremony

2007-05-05T02:34:00.000+05:30

I attended 2 functions today. This post is about the second 1 - my friend's Roka ceremony.

She, my friend that is, is a pretty girl - today she has become beautiful (this is not about her oh-so-gorgeous saree or professional make-up!) - its almost as if some inner light (bulb?? tubelight??) has gone on in her - for the 1st time in a very long time - almost in forever - she has looked happy (in the child's artless innocence and joy genre) - almost as if - she can finally see her home! and knows she is about to reach the sweet haven of home and family!

I am glad that she has found her place - I think it is very important for each one of us to find that place or person who is our home!

May God Bless her and all my wandering soulful friends!

;)

n no, I have not been drinking! - hence, the label.

April

2007-04-22T12:26:00.000+05:30

It has been a hectic 3 weeks for me.... was bossom buddies with frustration and exasperation and near hopelessness.

I have another 5 weeks to go before I can breathe easy - It's scary to be honest...even my mum worries if physically i can cope with such a demanding schedule... luckily she does not question by ability or intellect!

So, its rather interesting that i came across the quote on FEAR....

some more things i learned:

you have to learn to say NO - I dont as yet, but i must begin - its a question of survival - you cant be what everyone else wants at the cost of losing out on things you want!
I need my 8 hours of sleep, some peace n me time, some fun time
My Diary - has helped me be organised and structured! - else in the clutter of my schedule i would have become synonymous with chaos!
Not all opportunities need to be taken - some have to be left, some approached at a later stage when u can accomodate it better in the event that it takes off n is successful

Ramblings:

The new traffic rules are difficult - especially the no phone calls while driving!!! This law has pretty much brought my communication to a grinding halt!

right now, i have so many things on my platter, and not enough time to work on them in the manner i would prefer! what to do? what to do? how to manage all and do them justice too???

I await some insight! a light bulb moment!

Summers are here.... in the afternoons' when I return from work - even the poor a/c throws lukewarm air!

until later,

Summer is here... can spring be far behind :)

Quote on Fear

2007-04-22T12:15:00.000+05:30

After a very long time, I took out the time (d only way really to find time) and browsed 1 of my favourite sites - Oprah.com... I came across this quote... and wanted to share it!

"I saw a great quote on a church sign about a year ago that has always stuck with me: Fear is a prison we make for ourselves. That is a truthful and powerful statement. Fear can hold us back from our dreams, and it is just an imaginary prison that we make for ourselves. Once you take the first step past it, though, you see it isn't so scary after all."

— judyanni

truly insignificant = bank loans

2007-02-22T21:26:00.000+05:30

If you ever want to experience your true insignificance - try to get a loan to buy something which means something to you emotionally... the amount of stories ( u tell and r told!), documents required (almost as if you are going to run away with their ((india's?) money - leaving behind your home/job/family/friends....as if!!!)), interest rates (baba re! you would think the bank eats from the money interests generate!)...and the delays.... mid week the bank was off, the concerned people are in a meeting (??), their systems are down!!! so on and so forth....
I have now reached a point where:
1 - I have left it on God... if it is to be it shall be... else, its only photocopied papers!
2 - I will never get emotional about things UNTIL my loan is approved
3 - savings may be better utilised....let it sit in the bank and EARN interest instead!!!!

hmmm.... I am sure somewhere in all these lengthy processes, it is the customer who is supposed to benefit... as soon as i realise/ receive even an itsy bitsy benefit - I will definitely record it for posterity!!

on this hopeful note.... Good evening!

SHE [poem]

2007-02-22T21:22:00.000+05:30

Posted on caferati on Jan 14, 2007.
my 1st poem for this year :)

The aftermath of watching the movie 'Blood Diamond'...

~~~~~SHE~~~~~

Where is she?
No no, not the limping one!
I want to meet the strong one
Strong of soul and spine
Strong of speech
Strong of stance
Who is this strung together with scotch tape?

~~~~~~~~~

cheers,
I

Thinking

2007-02-12T01:02:00.000+05:30

Just when you have loads of material that you would like to think about - reflect upon - internalize and spew some poetry from - Wham!!! you are over loaded with work and a killer schedule.... thoughts??? I am not really sure what I am thinking these days ... my list of things to work thru is going up.... and i am afraid by the time i finally sit down the memories will be too far past and hazy for me to juice them for any revelations!!!!

Another trip I managed to do was to RISHIKESH - I went river rafting (yea yea, I am getting more adventerous with each season) - got dunked and then plunged into the ganges - now i know whats its like to feel your body freeze limb by limb - If I thought Delhi winters were freezing cold - now i have been disabused of such a notion!!!
It's b'ful offcourse - some of the pics are up on flickr...the rest will come next week...

oh yea - when i began the year i had begun to wonder if i was in too deep(offcourse i knew i would have to work hard and be really smart) but i was beginning to wonder whether i had overestimated my ability to cope .... In between I was almost sure i would take forever to pass the mark - but now I AM VERY PROUD to share that I received my CERTIFICATION - level 1 (duh!) and that too in the 1st attempt and within a month!!!! huff!!! Thank god!

now onto the next level ... here I come!

been extremely busy - It's kind of sweet for people wonder if i have disappeared - well. I havent I am just enjoying work - That's my official line for working long n odd hours :)
The saving grace - being able to smile and look into his eyes(however, occasionally)... my god, eyes are soo expressive - I guess so must mine be! if only now some good will come of it!

There are some v. intelligent people who write very interesting blogs - I have FINALLY updated the links from my blog to theirs...

:)

Music...

2007-02-12T00:52:00.000+05:30

Some songs just speak to you at a very base level - Akon's 'I want to love you' with snoop is 1 such no. for me - and my very first download ever!!!!
and now this song has memories too :)

Another very interesting voice - Anastacia - definitely someone i would like to read about and hear more from....

20-21 Jan, 2007 - Jaipur Lit Festival

2007-01-24T03:00:00.000+05:30

My Thought processess ( I am the long winded sorts) on my journey to and back from the Jaipur Literature Festival and mostly e'thing in between... which was for the entire 3rd week of January, however, i only attended the last 2 days - the 20th and 21st of January....
These may become multiple entries as i swim through my memories and experiences!

When i heard about the festival way back in october/november 2006, i remember thinking to myself - I wonder where i will be n whether i will be able to make it ... and I am glad to report
that i was where i WANTED to be... I chose to not let last minute changes of other's plans affect my desire to be there...
it was a WONDERFUL trip - I went with 1 objective in mind - to attend the festival - which i did...but more than the talks (once i found the venue that is!), it was the talking which really got to me :)
and basking in the sun in the greens of diggi palace, Jaipur.

It is wonderful to feel warm and toasty in the middle of january which is the coldest month - and for someone like me who is frozen Nov - Feb - this was a god send! almost, as if God was patting me on the back for making it here despite my yawning exhaustion!
((did i mention, i think i love myself!!!! I love the fact thatt who i have become and continue to evolve into is the manifestation of my youthful aspirations and not only nor any longer a faction of my imagination!!!!)))

Well, as we spent 2 hours driving around in circles (literally! - I think Jaipur was made by someone with a fascination for mazes and treasure hunts - for in Jaipur- you can go around and then go back around the other way - cross your destination 4 times and still not spot it!)
I began to wonder whether our destination - the grand sounding - The Diggi Palace - was a palace/ gharana convert or a building which we were therefore obviously missing.... ironically, the next day we found that we had been circling the wrong circle anyway !!!
my head has begun to spin just remembering and writing about it - i hope, you my dear reader are faring better!

Hence, I ended up missing William Dalrymple's session which I was looking forward to... I await an update from my friends who attended....

Did i mention - Delhi is warmer than Jaipur - even during the day time... this i experienced much to my chagrin on sunday morning when i awoke frozen in the same position i had gone to sleep in.... to my room partner - thank you for ordering the tea - you saved me!!!!

There are some wonderful pictures which everyone took of this trip - I wonder whether the places (and us offcourse) are so perfect or was our experience so intoxicating!

I pause.... these are memories to be savoured and written about at leisure...

2006

2006-12-31T17:43:00.000+05:30

In Retrospect:
As was predicted, 2006 was indeed a year of chaos n much change - and at the end- TODAY, when i do look back, i agree that (again as predicted) I am happy with the changes and progress i have made at all fronts - personal and professional.

I am definitely wiser than the year before... and ready to build a life on my terms.
I am not undermining the forces of nature and I shall as always, bow to the will of my lord.
Now I choose to not bow to human forces...
Perhaps, being a little selfish is compulsory for survival.

It has taken me many years of dreaming about, but i finally worked up the courage and got something beautiful and meaningful made - it will be a part of me from now on to forever.... this was on : Friday, 15 December 2006 - Chennai, India

It is WONDERFUL to not have regrets when i look back at 2006 :-) HOOORRAAAAHHHHH!!!

What I learnt from 2006 -

Not much is in your hands, only how fast you accept and absorb it and then move on...
The only decision to be made is : do I react or respond?

Knowing thyself ... and own limits and limitations - and then BREAK the MOULD!

I will come across diverse experiences and people - what i bring back from those interactions is upto me

Building GOOD memories is a simple decision - once you choose, you start viewing everything through a keleidoscope of memories labeled as: fun/ happy/ naughty/ learning/ interesting/ brain add/ value add.... so on n so forth!

Next year - 2007!

A year, I hope of growth, Learning and moving on... of joys, fate supported wonderous destiny!!!

:-)

cheers,

How was your 2006?

Friends

2005-09-15T18:28:00.000+05:30

When you try to be different, to do something different, differently.. .the reactions and feed backs of those closest to you are very interesting and enlightening.,,!!

more on this later..... lessons learnt must be blogged for future refereces and comic reads!

2005-07-30T12:03:00.000+05:30

Blogging after a long time... i guess there is something vulnerable about journelling all you are thinking/ going through... tho'popular opinion has it that jounalling is therapeutic and healing.... i don't know..... but, i guess it feels like a life worthy if its worth getting recorded...

Let's see.... this is not a good time... upheaval - chaos - confusion - erfect ingredients for sending me into a depression/ making me feel low....
Now, heres the interesting part - i have learned that all humans have a natural cycle with highs and lows... so some people go through a rough time no matter what at a certain point of time each year, and it is the same ime each year....so having learned this, i looked by at my past - and realised.... JULY and AUGUST are the weak links for me....my energies are low.... no reaon..just low....and it affects... and it is the same each year...

i have realised most things are greater than you are... you cn just TRY and LIVE the BEST LIFE you can... but it is difficult.. some days more so....

ok... venting now: how DARE people try n use me...n then be upset when i refuse to play along... Uffff!!!! just cause i am straightforward and dont try to put u all down does not mean i am stupid! or even willing to go along for the ride...i may play..but not run around the proverbial trees... thank you very much!

heeheee...ok, that felt good... so maybe there is some grain in the journalling being healing therapy bit!

Thoughts on opportunities + free verse!

2005-06-22T01:51:00.000+05:30

How come things just change suddenly? your day is going fine, n then poof!!! your boss says something nasty/ demeaning n u plunge into uncertainty, your stomach starts churning n your head starts hurting!!! I wonder, is there a name for such a management style?

Sometimes, opportunities come to you while you are sitting at home! n u dont (can't? - does it matter?) catch it immedietely and process (!) coz u dont hv the time!!!! - - now, this is what i call an ironic twisted reality... when opportunity comes calling, and you are busy/ circumstance bound....etc....the point is, 1 gets to it asap, but is asap the right way to approach and take care of an opportunity? n what when your asap is not soon enough ???

I wonder do we even realise how many times, and how many opportunities we have missed/ have passed us by coz of our own foolhardiness... coz while we were being responsible and taking care of our circumstance (or is it perspective?) bound existence, we perhaps were sightless and the opportunity just sat there, or went on by on it's merry way unsighted/ unseen and (definitely) unforeseen!!!

Oh! merry are those days of innocence...
where every castle is perfect (sand or air)
every pie baked is golden
and every time
your heart takes flight
it doesnt wonder just wanders...

Excerpt - Oprah's cut with Maya A

2005-06-15T19:37:00.000+05:30

An excerpt from an Oprah interview with Maya Angelou:
(sometimes you find gems - even when u r not consciously looking!)

MA: Because that person is not reliable. She may not know it, but modesty speaks volumes about falseness.
O: Pretending.
MA: Lying.

O: I once heard you say, "If you want to liberate someone, love them."

MA: That's it. Not be in love with them—that's dangerous. If you're in love with your children, you're in their lives all the time. Leave them alone! Let them grow and make some mistakes. Tell them, "You can come home. My arms are here—and my mouth is too." Tell them, "I'm going to leave you alone. You want to listen to rock and rap? Well, I think it's stupid, but help yourself." When you really love them, you don't want to possess them. You don't say, "I love you and I want you here with me." Naturally, if you love somebody, you do want to see their face every now and again, but that's not a condition of your love. People often get possession mixed up with love, and they say, "If you really loved me, you would call me." How—when life is going on? I think of you all the time, and the thought of you always lifts my spirits. But I'm not right at the phone! O: Have you been able to manage that kind of love even in romance? MA: It's hard, but I do it—and I don't know how. When I love somebody, I like him to be around; I like him to take me out to dinner; I like to look at the sunset with him. But if not, I love him and I hope he's looking at the same sun I am. Loving someone liberates the lover as well as the beloved. And that kind of love comes with age. Some of this wisdom came to me after I was 50 or 60.

O: What's the best age?

MA: Seventy-two! The seventies are hot.

june 13 - a'noon!

2005-06-13T15:56:00.000+05:30

you go all the way somewhere... to realise the purpose you went for is missing... sometimes coz of you.. sometimes coz of someone else!..either ways its a useless trip you have made...or is it?
or is there learning in the journey too.... philosophically Yes!.. but i wonder.... what is there to learn in a regular trip to mother dairy to pick up some milk???
I wonder, whether there is'nt any point or that the point eludes me?!!!!

WHY do you hate living beings?

2005-06-08T19:33:00.000+05:30

Animals... are wonderful beings.. they are part of our eco-system, our companions, and for many part of our families, yet, people find justification for ill - treating them, hunting them, killing them and then eating them!

I have seen many a family who keeps pets, dogs, cats, even birds, and then mechanically, without probably thinking, eat eggs and meat etc...is this not hypocrisy???

I guess when u have grown up eating something and u r used to it.. it is a difficult habit to leave... but isnt it actually as simple as making a decision.... to not be a non-vegetarian....and then being disciplined enough to stick with your decision...

this is offcourse an old debate, one i have had many a time over with many a friends... they r still my friends offcourse, but somewhere i have started wondering what kind of people are we, that we knowingly do a wrong (my perspective!) , and then find ample justification and excuses for it!
I have yet to come across a non-vegetarian who atleast has the guts to say, 'yes, this is wrong, and fine, i am choosing to be a non-vegetarian nonetheless'..... but, i guess when one eats so many guts, its hardly surprising if one's own guts are indistinguishable!

WHY is it so difficult to live and let live... why must we kill.... does being human, and having the sharper tools/ weapons give us the right to kill.... who elected man God? howcome you get to decide which animal will live or die.. but we will not take a stand on anything (else?) important....

one reads a lot about opinions floating around about how a rapist should be served justuce.... but no one tries to play God and actually make a decision.... whereas this is a serious issue as well... and surely we as humans are more concerned about other humans... our mothers/ daughter/ sisters etc than other animals!!!

but does anyone get up and take a stand... nope.... does one try to be politically correct... absolutely!!!!

it saddens me to realise that we are a group of educated (!!!! another over-rated virtue) people, who have an opinion on everything, but belief in nothing!

one does not have to do great actions to show his belief.... even small things make a difference.... boondh boondh se banta hein samundar (drop by drop becomes a river/sea)....so i believe....

So, I stand and make a decision, stand by my belief and don't waver in the face of ridicule or pressure by my colleagues or friends or any others.... doesnt mean i have great resources of determination or perseverance... just that i have thought about it and find no justification in being a non-vegetarian.... or in ill-treating or allowing the mis-treatment of others.... animals, which includes us HUMBLE mammals as well!!!!

Is it so difficult not to eat an egg... if its for the protein... drink milk!
is it so difficult to stop your car and honk, so the animal (dog/ cow/ goat) will get out of your way.... if its coz you are in a hurry.... well, leave home 5 mins earlier!
is it so difficult to be kind to another person... if its your ego.. .go to the psychiatrist!

and if you do it to keep the balance.... well be balanced first.... think and then decide.... being NICE and FAIR are not victorian virtues to read about and show off as traits one has, but actual attitudes/ actions one must and ought to try out.....

please do think about it... if you make a change even once.. it will make a difference to a life somewhere... perhaps you may have spared a life, or made one more day easier for someone, somewhere....!

:-)

a change in attitude

2005-06-08T19:29:00.000+05:30

Recently i have found that my attitude has changed... what it has done is made life a lot more interesting and fun... i am more balanced.... i am persuing many of the things which interest me.. .which earlier i shied away from on some pretext or the other.....

one notices many more things... one's perspective is more crystal.... one is able to de-stress faster....n one dreams in technicolor...

I am GLAd that i have changed into this person... i rather like me....

Cheers,
(with my latest interest: Beer)

anonymity of days...

2005-06-06T19:05:00.000+05:30

A day - 24 hours... it just passes by and one is clueless where the day went... somedays, one enjoys the anonymity of days that seem to merge into one... a routine which is so similar, that unless one and the people around didnt wear different clothes, I atleast for one would not know the difference in the calender days... somedays, i enjoy the mindlessnes.. but always such a schedule is nuts... its make me want to shout and pull my hair out... ouch! ouch! well, ok, maybe not pull my own hair.... but perhaps my boss's will do ;-)

so, I have now found a good way to break the monotony and exercise the brain - this is by reading BLOGs... earlier i would read whoevers blog i would come across... but now i read mostly of people that i know... turns out it makes the reading more relevant nd interesting....

It is funny, how something u have been thinking off n u come across a similar topic touched upon by another... i came across annie's blog which spoke of among other things, corporate experience women in particular face.. n the truth is... lately i have come across some (?) segregation if not quite discrimantion @ work.... n the odd thing is ppl have all sorts of justification for their behaviour.....

what is bugging is when you are in the course of your work asking someone something.. and they take affront to it!!! for heaven's sake - this is work... not personal! bah!

In the morning i remember thinking when u r looking for something, the chances r high u will find it... but how does one explain a bad day? a stressful day? a bad experience??? or even better than expected experience? a fabulous day?

hmmm................

27 May - 31-May...

2005-06-01T03:24:00.000+05:30

I have had HECTIC but so totally fun filled days over the last 4 days.... I feel i must capture the details and feelings before they fade away behind the mists of a forgetful memory... which unfortunately i do have....

so this is going to be a long entry.. n probably a boring read for others... so if you are reading this.. u just might wanna give it a skip n wait till i write a humorous piece!

I wonder.. how long will I continue to Blog.... what purpose does it serve anyway???

ok.. to begin: 27th May... my b'day... was out the entire day.... went window shopping with Anki to Tanishq no less.. n recvd my 1st bday present there :-)
n then went shopping.... got some more presents...met with lots of my friends through most of the day.... i pretty much permanently stationed myself at my favourite coffee shop... lots of my friends had something to say about THAT... but i felt like saying... hey, when it's yr b'day u pick the venue... this is mine... so boo!

what did become clear, tho' painful it is to vocalize and accept it... it is this, most of my friends..have nt got the 1st clue about what to give me as a present.... whic makes me wonder: is it that they dont know me.. not really ... or they just dont have the time, or inclination to figure out what would be most appropriate for me/ i would enjoy!!! now, I believe if you are gonna do something do it right.... so atleast the other person will get some mileage out of it.. but just giving empty words n wishes n an inapproprite gift.... which if they had thought about it they would realise... well just made a mockery of the gift-giving ceremony... n then offcourse there are some who see no point in the ceremony... .well i guess i am still a little girl at heart..especially when it comes to my birthday.. coz i wanted the gift wrapped, decorated with ribbons presents with beautiful cards.... no one ... NO ONE!! bothered to give me a bday card......
hmmm.... there... i am DONE venting...!!!

now the good parts..... saw the cutie agn!!! exchanged hi's n smiles.... v. sweet n completely straightforward..but gave a rosy tint to the sunny (sweaty!) afternoon!

had a FUN n good time with all me friends.. felt real special too!!!
my aunt offcourse had to call n after wishing me n all.. asked how old i was... wonder why she asks this every year? does she expect i will defy regular mathematics? ?? n then for the 1st time in my short life i heard about how NOW it was time for me to get married n settled et all...... i initially thought i misunderstood what she said... coz legally i could have been married the day after 18! n then i just tried to get out of the conversation asap coz here i was sitting in the middle of my friends making party n fun plans .. n my aunt goes all victorian on me!... Uffff!

28th May - went to work... cant remember what happened.... but then no news is also good news.. .especially in my line! .... off course everyone wanted to know what i had been upto y'day... blah blah!

now, sunday.... here's an INTERESTING DAY..... 28th May 2005....
missed my class.... wanted to sleep just this one sunday :-) ...

now...being a girl... clothes are a favourite n fascinating pastime! so i FINALLY went across to Poonam aunty's n saw lovely clothes.... choose some n left the designing to mum... now mum offcourse went later n cancelled the order for this lovely (black and white... seemed like a chinese painting) saree i wanted... i think it might be the influence of learning about haikus....tho' thats from japan... but to the uninitiated, violet n lavender are the same! not that thats any excuse.. but it just reminded me of landscapes in chinese/ japanese paintings n i wanted it... n well, that's a good enough reason to get it :-).... well tho' i am gonna call up aunty dear n tell her i want it anyway.....ohh... i am soo excited... new suits, tops, a saree.... my wardrobe is about to get a smart overhaul... n after a long time i indulged in the freedom of 100% my choice, based on my liking... for a time back then i operated from what others wanted me to be / look/ wear etc... now to be taking back my freedom, even in such irrelevant ways (or is it?) is very empowering!

4pm saw me running late for the caferati meet... I was surprised to see so many people turn up.. tho' this was just my second meet.... yet, well the 1st had been a more small n intimate group... in this one i couldnt even see everyone's faces!!!!
it was interesting.. the food as usual made it more of a feast/kitty party that just a read meet... tho' i loved it so i do hope they dont change it! but, in the afternoon having cakes n dhokla over cold coke did make me drowsy... but i heard it all... n the feedbak/ inputs are still going around in my head.....
I for the 1st time READ my OWN pieces in a gathering... i have before shared very rare, not very illuminating verses with people i was close to... but this time i shared some personal pieces... didnt really get much of a feedback except that i have a good voice (coz, inspired from Anita i had written my 1st ever 1 para song, which i then proceeded to SING.... )... Rekha was probably just being nice... but it was heartening.... tho i was sooo nervous... it was quite embarrasing to be shaking like a leaf... n those that know me know that i am no lightweight leaf!
tho' i have put it on the network so i do hope to finally get some feedback on my 2 pcs!
had to leave early.... didnt like that... nor liked the way my frnd Viv spk to me just coz viv was in a hurry... i mean why cant ppl leave on time if they wanna be someplace on time... n then if u r late for some reason.... however valid..surely getting mad at me is not the solution.. or does it make the roads shorter? didnt like it 1 bit... made me want to be in a place where i didnt have to ask any1 for a transport favour!
i think for the 1st time i literally begged some1 for a book... n well finally managed to convince Richa to lend me Maya Angelou's collected autobiography.... of 11oo odd pages..... its interesting but soo heavy to hold.. n then i am soo afraid that it will get a lil dirty or get a dog hair on it or something...n Richa will so totally kill me... so i am treating it like a lil princess...!!!! well, now that i think about it the way i have been treating the book is actually funny...!!! i myself would go n sit anywhere in the house.. but if i am reading the book, i actually check if the table has any dust! Duh!!!

went to the party.... i think Garima did a good job... i REALLY wonder WHERE does this girl get all the energy n enterprise to do so many things... n never lose her smile n good humour... this i must ask her!

i think AM's project is also worth investigating some more!

offcourse, had a blast there... danced like crazy... had fun with shami, jaya n hunu, n offcourse garima n all the other ppl..... Nrn spoilt the fun.. but only for a bit.. .but then i bounced back after cooling my heels.....n offcourse all that chilled beer helped!

bumped into a few ppl frm the caferati meet there.... Raj gave me some feedback (finally! someone thought i n my work was worth taking out a few mins n talking abt ) which was very encouraging n well.... i do hope i write more stuff .. which is good.....

30-May - Monday
playing with hair color - interesting experience... both in terms of how it changed my looks n the response from people... known and strangers alike.. offcourse it helps that all was good!

did i mention... late nights... something i have not done before... on these instances i felt such a thrill..being grown up n ohhh la laa!

saw my 1st STAR WARS movies... very interesting.... n ved is right.... the imagination these guys hv n hv used so brilliantly is amazing... i mean the details n the story... cool... now i want to see the others in the series too!

been drinking lots of coffee these days ....tried some different flavours too.... how daring i am becoming!
heheheeeeeeeeeee.....

Oh god! this has been such a lengthy exercise.... !!! phew... i hope i got it all down....

hectic days...travelogues...

2005-05-28T23:15:00.000+05:30

Hectic days... filled with lots of activity... does it represent a full life or just a busy life... I guess the difference is what the person feels for the activity... some are just things that need doing.. some are things that one enjoys doing... either ways one is in a state of activity...which is wonderful, except that these days i am looking for some peace and quiet...some ME time to just laze around n do nothing except maybe listen to some music, oil my hair and read a book....

Travelogues - my latest discovery and love.... they are a wonderful way of exploring a new place and the people, traditions and the very culture which saturates the place.... while reading I feel like I am the author for i feel as if i am living the written words.... this is a tribute to both the author and offcourse to a sensitive reader such as me! heheheeeee :-0

I hope to start writing of my days... in a reflective, humourous light.. so that I may look back n relive the wonder of my days... like reading a well written book of someone's life... which is funny, earthy and real.... and I hope my story will emerge!!!!

27th...1st 2 hrs

2005-05-27T01:49:00.000+05:30

well, another year has begun... to say the last 2 hours (it's 2 am) have been very exciting is an exagerration, but they have not been bad... just about everyone on my ops floor came n wished me :-) n my bosses took me to the cafeteria for snickers... yummy... sweet of them to take me for chocolates and a walk... n we gossiped... heheee... i didnt think I was a gossiper... but i do so love a good story!!!!

Finally, worked up the courage n told gm what i'd like from him.... poor soul... i dont think he quite knew what hit him... but it was soo totally hilarious to see his expressions... if something comes of it.. i think i will have good fun!!!!

Good calls from some expected friends... was not expecting Narain would call, i didnt think he'd even remember! but cute guy called me n wished n all.... so did madhulika... n thn off course i gave her phone call to all the other TL's n AM n mgr to wish her too... she was cursing me coz it ran up her bill.. n i guess she was justified in wanting the ppl to call n wish her... but i think she shld just b happy that she got soo many wishes....it was funny too.... n surprisingly sushant knew it was my bday n called too.. n posted msg too on ryze!

taru, garima, abhishek all sent sms's on the dot!

am very happy that the year started with me LAUGHING....lots of laughter...n i am still smiling 2 hours later...

excited abt trow evening... lets see what happens.. n if anything happens with that cafe cutie!!!

oh my god... i am becoming sooo naughty.... though it doesnt hurt that others initiate and reciprocate!!!!

to say that today i am in a better place in life i think is a fair and accurate statement... n to say that i can FEEL and SEE my life improving a very accurate prediction of life from now on....

God Bless... and to lovely days n moments ahead!!!!

CHEERS!!!!

BLURP BLURP...

2005-05-27T01:34:00.000+05:30

IT IS WONDERFUL... A NEW BEGINNING....

Gratitude: May 10th

2005-05-10T12:32:00.000+05:30

I feel grateful for:

not losing hope, being couragous, and creating a list of TO DO for this year too....

for being in a position already to tick off some of the items on my list as completed/ in progress!!! n i am only into the 5th month of the year!

WOW....its GREAT to know i am doing so many of the things i wanted to, and moving towards realising some of my dreams !!!

... now i want to start blogging more often too.. i am sure at the rate i a going this will happen soon!!!!

cheerio!

Gratitude - 4 - April-2005

2005-04-05T08:54:00.000+05:30

i feel gratitude for:
finally finding the courage to buy my comp, that i hv bn dreaming abt.... not making a compromise on the quality, but having the courage to live on a string for some more time to make a dream come true....
for thinking about standing up for myself at the possible cost of another dream...
for being 'ok' with being alone .... for today....
for having dreams.....
for :-)

gratitude Blog...

2005-03-06T02:27:00.000+05:30

Hi,

Latest thing i hv learnt : A GRATITUDE BLOG............should update it daily... well will try..i am sure it will be an interesting uplifting, optimistic exercise :-)

BEST WISHES

2005-02-16T08:14:00.000+05:30

HAPPY NEW YEAR....

dec blog

2004-12-22T18:08:00.000+05:30

well, here i am agn....just got to blogging now...
the running shoes... my dogs ran away with it so that is that...
this month has bn interesting..with extreme swings of fate....n with it my optimism and pessimism levels...

well, this yr has bn a year of change, growth and strengthening...a lot of things in my life have changed n so hv i...i hope fr the better....
lots is happening, i am absolutely clue less..

frnds - well, they r now no.s in my phone bk...coz no one is ever there any more.... hmm....lessons lessons...everywhere!!!!

well, i am going to try to spend some quality time with myself.. n tk it from there :-)
is all for now...

mon-15 nov

2004-11-16T01:41:00.000+05:30

so its monday, here's the update:
went fr the meetings on last to last fri... got the work frm 1 and got selected in the other.... its lots of hard work and lil pay..but i guess when 1 doesnt have an option... as they say, beggards cant be choosers!!!!

hv bn in office now for 12 hours..tired... am feeling a lil low....will probably go fr a smoke now...mayb will feel better then!...so much so for my plans to quit ...well atleast i have managed to really reduce it!!!
well, have been meaning to lots of things.. as usual not managed much of anything except for crisis stuff....i am becoming a fire fighter..cant say its a good thing!!!

am planning to go off on a 1-month long holiday in April and re-evaluate myself and my life....
now i am thinking i need to take a holiday and get away asap..tho' what and where i dunno kno!!

will try and blog more often...got to start some hobby. got to sleep less and find more time!!!!

Today is the day!!!!

2004-11-05T06:41:00.000+05:30

well, its fri morning, today i am going to be soo busy..... i finally got arnd to speaking to some ppl.. so today i have 2 meetings.. lets see how it goes..i am very VERY hopeful... i am going to give it my best shoot.. i am also wearing my pretty green suit just so that i look nice :--)

I need these to work out.... and i hope that they will....

have to send the prop's on mon... so weekend is busy too.... oh god, these 3 days r going to b soo busy....
i haveot go fr these 2 meetings
send the props by mon so i better work on them this weekend
complete the numy report... that alone is going to take me 7-8 hours !!!!!
n oh, my book club meeting!!!!!
n... there is a party this sunday too.... well, ohhh... i dont kno how i am going to do all this!!!!
but i guess its good atleast i am going to be busy.... :-) :-) :) :)

1-Nov-04

2004-11-02T06:21:00.000+05:30

hm...here's another blog.. it/s the 1st of november.. a new month.. i cant belv how the year is almost up!!! well, i came across 1 of my notebooks ... it spoke abt my TO DO list and my dreams... turns out where i was in march 2004 is where i am today as well!!!! pretty idiotic if u ask me!!!

well, the new friendships are not working out the way i would like them too... but lets see what happens!!! i still have a lil hope..

well, as far as my findg etc is concerned well.... nothing on the web..and tho' i hv some no.s hvnt got arnd to calling them up n cheking em out.

its amazing, but frm all quarters the same msg seems to b coming across... STUDy..STUDY... well so i am going to do my homework and definitely start something soon....!!!!!
well, everyone suggested i hunt online... but i cant find anything that fits my needs...hmm......probably the newspaper might work out...

what else.... oh yeah.... the good stuff::::
i am ready to move on frm this workplace..i am no longer emotionally attached... well it is lesstening!!!!
i bought these amazing books...1 which was way too interesting and this other 1 that i have bn looking for for ages n ages now... feels great to finally have bought them ... though...i have already overshoot by budget fr this mnth!!!!
i bought a pair of walking shoes... so, now i will hopefully walk atleast a few times a week!!!!!
i have finally given to CRY for a kid... i hv bn wanting to help out fr soo long.. .n well its good that finally i have bn able to give too.....

Aha......n now the resolutions for NOVEMBER:
No smoking
No drinking
going to try n bring exercise into my routine

thats abt it fr the 1st day of the mnth... lets see how it shapes up......

BzzzZZzz

2004-10-26T05:04:00.000+05:30

i am sooo TIREd.... of GOd...i dont kno why.. may b its the graveyard shift...i am feeling sooo SLEEPY!
hmm...lots of ideas just buzzing in my head... BzzzzZZZZzzzzZZZZzzzz

hmm...i got to GET UP and TAKE ACTION .... i got to do something and PULL myself OUT of this daldal!!!
i dont kno y but enuf is enough.....
UFffff... well... lets do some r& d now n see what can b done!

fri morning - blogin after long!

2004-10-22T02:20:00.000+05:30

Hi... blogging after a long time... everyday i think of blogging but then i dont coz i dont really have anything to say... my mind has just been void.... no emotions per se... just am not really sure.. past couple of days has been a blur!
well, the GOOD thing - i have finished 'The Da Vinci Code'... amazing book.. after a really long time i read something i cldnt put down..i just had to keep going back to it!
well, next i dont know what i will read... but it sure has made me realise how very little i do know about a lot of things....:-(

well, LIFe is still the same.. ni change ... no improvements..... ALL my friends are playing up.. i guess its what they say, when u change, your old friends dont relate to you anymore and thus dont know how to handle you...etc etc.... net, it saddens me that my friends are behaving like this.... n i realise that probably thru this transit when i move forward i shall be alone.. and that at some level does sadden me :(

well, somedays, like these days, it is blaringly clear how stark my life is, how alone i am... i dont know why these lessons are happening... but i am afraid of never coming out of this... will i ever come out of this? will my dreams ever be a reality or will i always just dream?????

this melancholy seems to be my abode permanently.....

hmm....... dont know what to do.. dont know the way out.... dont know much.... right now, dont know anything!!!!!
cheers/I

wednesday- end of shift!

2004-10-07T01:36:00.000+05:30

well,end ti another looong day... i have been in office now for 13 hours and it will be another 1/2 hour before i leave.... hmm... i am really tired... but i am feeling good... got tons of work accomplished today... my new subset campaign went live SMOOTHLY... thank god and touch wood for that.... :-)

well, since today is wednesday nite, i am gonna go home n watch a good 2 hours of TV.... yea.... coz my favourite programs are coming today... its amazing but i soo totally love these 2 prgs n they actually have the power to make me smile and feel better!!!!!
i wonder whether this is TV dependancy??? heeheeeeeeheeee.... so stupid... as 1 of my new frnds calls me when i do silly things..."silly goose"...i just find it sooo cute that i dont even feel affronted leave alone telling her to behave!!!!!

bought some stuff from prayas today... not that i really have the money, but its all for a good coz, n anyways if the money wld have stayed with me i wld have spent on something stupid like drinknig more colas......but i sooo totally LOVE the stuff i bought...... 2 neem bark pencils, a lil pouch and a pretty notebook made of handmade paper.....i have christened it as my "DREAM BOOK"... coz i think it is time i gave my dreams the importance they deserve... and perhaps, finally i will spend some quality and quantity time positively visualizing about my dreams and their reality in the future..............................................

well....good nite.... n to a wonderful trow!!!!

monday...AGAIN!!!

2004-10-05T01:26:00.000+05:30

well, another week begins... it is pretty unbeleivable that october has also began.... this year is actually just slipping through my fingers!!!!

well, have not been sticking to my diet!!! the ONLY HEALTHY thing i have been doing is drinking a glass of fresh juice everyday... i dont know how i am going to EVER lose any weight...

hmm.... i think i need to start blogging the good stuff ...however minute happening everyday too.....
well today, i got lots of compliments on my new haircut :-)...i think its totally changed my look.... hmm...interesting...i think i am looking good too :-)
anthr good thing...FINALLY, all the september reports have been made n sent!!!! so, now i can start focusing on October and what all needs to be done!!!

what i still need to do::: my PPDP..... i dont kno y i am postponing it... !! i now some time ago i was not in an emotional state to handle it.... but NOW??? now i dont know y i am still not completing it...!!!!

what else, i am still alone.... and lonely.... all my friends are real busy... and no one is waiting in the wings for me either..... see what i cant figure out is... what is my life supposed to be ??? i mean i wish i could just find some PEACE with my LIFE..The way it is right now... instead of always wanting that better life or even that other life which i know is not mine.....i dont know what is my life going to me!!!

I had thought that this week i will NOT stay back at work... but i just cant seem to help it... n the sad thing is all my frnds are in the other shift, so they leave by 10pm...i am the only idiot who keeps sitting ..... ok... so i work a lil, blog a lil..n by then its time to go home anyways... not much value add here.... but yeah, i guess atleast i get to BLOG.... i mean i kno y i dont want to go bk home... but i wish it wasnt so.... i wish i had a better control over myself and i was able to be OKAY with my solitude.....

hmm.... this is tiring...i think i will go now... go have a ciggy n then go on home....

roller coaster

2004-10-01T01:30:00.000+05:30

well... i continue to be on a roller coaster.... there just doesnt seem to be any stopping leave along an option to get off!!!!

hmm.... i am just soo tired... of knowing that something is no more in me.... sometimes in my interactions with ppl i see certain things come out of my mouth...that i am SHOCKED to hear...i mean its like there is this stuff which is just simmering beneath the surface, and sometimes..... well, a lot of times in the last 2-3 days.... just spouts out of my mouth before i can even begin to control it..... this is sooo sad....

i miss my frnds... DEBS.... having her arnd..i think was grounding me.... n now i am just feeling nuts.... :-(

well, i think i got to just start meditating BEFORE i seriously do go crazy.....

i got a reply frm the bk club lady, asking me stuff...i sent a reply....still awaiting the her reply... did she decide to not invite me? coz i think i just got a lil carried away in my mail...rambling on n on abt books!!!

well.... this is my life these days... totally messed up... n no i am not loving it....

IF ONLY... probably the WORST 2 words 1 can ever start thinking about in conjunction with one's life or oneself!!!!!

:-(

2004-09-30T01:39:00.000+05:30

well, after everything, all that life has made me go through..i am still an emotional yo-yo..... sooo damn PATHETIC.... n getting carried away...some cute guy.. n u r like aha... n then what... nothin... nada.... n u feel so damn silly, i mean its not like i am in school that i am having silly crushes..... ohhh..... damn n bul sht....

well, i am hopefully gonna pull out with atleast my esteem intact!!!!
but, i feel pretty silly, y... probably just my way of feeling... just feeling.. like a human being... like mayb someone might want me too... but this is sooo silly, i dont even kno him n well, i dont want to get into anything.... n anyways i just wanna b free...n JUST BE... FLY for some time.....

my life is MINE.... i lost that somewhere along the line and now it is time to FIND it again... spend some time - both quality and quantity with myself.... afterall, i need to know myself... understand and through that understanding CONTROL MYSELF!!!!

These days i often find myself looking up to my friend debs... she has her own share of shit, but through it all she doesnt lose sight of who she is, what she is... .she knows what she can live with and what will make her unhappy, so where she can make a choice she makes the choices that are BEST for her.....
when, will be sooo sensible and smart n in command of myself?????

CRAZY --- thats how i feel, and its sooo SCARY..... DIRECTIONLESS is not something i want to be.... some good times are up ahead --- i am sure, well atleast its what i gotta tell myself if i have to get through life..... but, sometimes i seriously wonder what is this life about? lessons/ hurt/ what????

well, so anyways, those good times are in the future.. but it is the present i am battling with.... what is going on? i cant seem to get a grip and settle ...... i dont know what is all this chaos supposed to achieve in my life? what great things will come of it???

y is wanting a simple life - a peaceful life sooo difficult????

i mean now i dont kno if i want the traditional stuff in life!!!

i came across this in a mail...i think it makes sense... perhaps i should meditate on it!!!

If you look at what you do not have in life, you don't have anything, If you look at what you have in life, you have everything.

2004-09-27T23:06:00.000+05:30

y is my 100% not enuf? y is it that i have soo many painful lessons to learn? when will i get a break.. is my life only abt pay back....just when i was beginning to trust that life had changed.. that better times where nearly on my doorstep..... a tornado came n broke my life apart...........

life was about pain
it was filled with tears
& then you came along and gave me hope
i thought we were meant to be
i thought it was forever
you showed me what it was like to share
share a part of oneself
share a part of ones heart
you showed me how special we were
you gave me hope
you made me trust again....

well, i guess life is about slaps, knocks and then standing up again, slipping and falling with a thud on the wet ground below and look up at the open skies throught the torn roof of my house, with the rain streaming down my face, and looking for some sign of GOD in the skies above, perhaps behind one cloud or another?

HOw many more years will i suffer? the tears of my soul are drying up now, and then what?

workaholic-nope, not me

2004-09-27T22:43:00.000+05:30

well, i dont think i am a workaholic.. for many days i toyed with the idea that the kind of hours i am putting in might b coz of this... but well the reasons are instead personal, and i guess if you think abt it.. its shameful, i am being like a child... running away, hiding from the reality of my personal life.... but, till when can i run?...

the imbalance is within me even now, for a few days i had forgotten, but the truth is u can bury feelings.. but they dont just go away on their own... u hv to face them, deal with them... n i guess then the balance i seek, the peace i need i will find within!

i have heard from numerous sources, that writing/ journaling (n so i guess it naturally extends to blogging) is a GOOD TOOL to deal with LIFE ..work through things and HEAL.... well, i am still waiting!!!

well, this is it fr right now.... lets see if later tonite i feel like blogging some more... my hands are hurtung agn... i dnt kno what is wrong with them!!!!

well, i been thinking a lot as usual.... thats all i seem to DO anyway... its not like i am achieving much in life.... i wish that things get better now... i would really like to live a good, decent life now.... well, GOD are you listening??? i hope so....

List-26 sept!

2004-09-26T18:45:00.000+05:30

ok....just lost the whole blog i wrote coz the power just went!!! so i doubt i am going to re-write as well as i had done earlier, but the point is, i have been thinking of things, n never get arnd to do it coz either i forgot or i simply dont have the time!!!!
so, i hope by putting it down, i will hopefuly get things done....

i think i just need to accept that i only have time to spare in the weekend, so perhaps i should not set expectations of myself to do stuff during the week when i dont hv the time or energy to do so.... i am just setting myself up to feel bad..so, WILL STOP SETTING UNREALISTIC EXPECTATION FOR MYSELF - n this is point 1!!!!

* being realistic and setting goals accordingly
* gotta start drinking more water
*lose weight - there i have said it, now i gotta do something abt it!
* follow up and COMPLETE the prg i have signed up fr, fr wt loss!
*come up with some exercise plan i can follow without cheating on it!!!
*Join a bk club - hv sent request, lets see whether i get invited - if yes, GREAT, if not, gotta sign up fr an online club - + share this idea with debs
*start carrying my camera arnd agn.....
{the other day, at work, saw this beautiful sight, a butterfly resting on the white wall, with the sunlight falling on her through the glass window and a potted plant underneath her.... it was breathtakingly beautiful in its simplicity... and i could not capture it coz i wasnt carrying my camera...a definite regret :-( .....}
*read the unofficial biography of Madonna.... been a little slow with it in the past.... so, gotta got on with it....n not lose the thread... otherwise will have to read it all over agn!

hmm... .this is the LIST for now.... looks long but its real simple stuff... lets see what i manage to do though!!!

john denver + blah....a lot

2004-09-25T02:16:00.000+05:30

John Denver - timeless good music... it occured to me tonite, while i was listening to 'Annie's song' - i have heard this song millions of times in the last few (2-3) years and it still has something special about it... it touches somewhere soo deep inside of me... i guess i had forgotten in all the running around my crazy life has become that there is such a thing as 'Beautiful' music.... it makes me want to be a poet again...and write some :-)

now, thats ironical, Poetry writing has always been difficult for me.... n well, guess its like what my professor told me, my writing is too 'sylvia plath'...heheeee.. not that i am as good..but in terms of that it is very biographical... probably thats why writing - prose or verse is something which is a close held secret..something i am afraid of putting down for fear of another reading it and well.... i guess however chirpy i may be i have another layer to my personality which is quieter, and private..... actually, i like the duality of my nature... many people judge and presume people .. but i personally find it fascinating how opposite traits can and usually do integrate inside a person to create that UNIQUE mix called and known as YOU!!!!

well, i wonder what life has in store, i have swung wildly in my approach... from being one who used to plan well in to the future by day-dreaming (offcourse) and to now, when life has put me in a place where i am taking it literally 1 day at a time.... n i am not living in the moment and being spiritual... but more my emotions and my brain - neither can handle more than 1 day at a time...well, as they say, FULL CIRCLE - i am pretty much back to where i was.... and the only difference is that i am older... more mature - i hope so, a little more battle worn - definitely.... direction less - yep... and i guess hurting a little too.. i guess when u build too many dreams on the basis of 1 factor in life..and then that factor changes............. and it changes your life and i guess a little YOU as well forever.

well, I know that though i am on Square one.. i am definitely stronger for it..... and this is what i need to remember, LIFE is ALL about LESSONS.... accept, learn and move on :-) {if only, it was that easy}.

but, ya, now i KNOW MYSELF better......and that is sooo IMPORTANT...now i hope to give myself and my life a CHANCE... something which i think i deserve........

phew.... that's a lot of blogging for one time...........but i think it makes some sense!!!!

well, another weekend already, i still remember last fri when i blogged..... well, axn plan fr this weekend is also pretty much the same: sleep, complete project, n this time catch a movie.. probably go for 'bourne supremacy' - the 1st part was good.. so hopefully so will this be!

until tomorrow............. when hopefully i will Blog some more :-)

Twenty to Go. - another nice blog

2004-09-25T00:52:00.000+05:30

Twenty to Go.

2004-09-22T15:26:00.000+05:30

as i promised myself, wld take out some time to BLOG this week.... well, status over weekend - work done, sleep caught up, no good stuff on TV .... I have been thinking, when all this is over, probably by around march 2005... then i will go on vacation - a 1 FULL month vacation... maybe even quit my job n just hang in the air.. direction less n see where my thoughts and life..or is it destiny, takes me.... so, to take this vacation thought further, i am thinking, mayb i can finally follow my dream of going to Sikkim and visit the monastries.... i just need to do some reaearch on google and get my facts straight n then plan...... n hopefully, by march 2005 - financial restraints will not be so restraining!!! heheeeheeee, and so i can go for a HOLIDAY!!!!
ah, and my comp.. its ok, though working on the net was difficult... will need to get the comp chkd up or something,,,, until then will have to rely on my lovely comp at work!!!!
gtg now, back to work, my team is waiting for me......... later....

2004-09-18T01:35:00.000+05:30

well, just been working real hard this week.... real long hours...i think its finally caught up, been meaning to BLOG all week... but have not got around to it... even now, i am writing coz i must else i know it will bug me... maybe over the weekend i will log on n blog some more while enjoying some java :-)

well, looking forward to the weekend... finally have my very own comp... waited real long for this one.. its not top of the line, but it will serve my needs very nicely :-)

will BLOG more going forwards....................i HOPE!

so, AXN plan for the weekend:

- Work on the outstanding projects this weekend

- catch up on my sleep (this is priority!)

- hopefully catch some good stuff on TV!!!!

*** well lets see what is the status on monday!!!**********

Melly

2004-09-17T16:26:00.000+05:30

everydayjae

2004-09-17T12:57:00.000+05:30

everydayjae

Lost in the woods

2004-09-09T23:12:00.000+05:30

Lost, soo lost. it's like being in the woods, without a clue as to which way is north, where u r standing or where you want to go! leave alone where life is pushing you!!!

Life is about pain and i have felt that very deeply... guess i dont need age to have depth of feeling... sometimes i can feel my very soul crying... !!!!

Growing up

2004-09-03T01:38:00.000+05:30

I am growing up, i can feel myself changing... this is something i am truly grateful for:
1 - the ability to change
2- the ability to be conscious of changes and my own rhythms
i dont know what my gifts are, but i feel my truth coming to the fore, i feel that 1 of these days i am going to come face to face with myself....
i think along the way i forgot myself, and my core being - perhaps thats why life gave me 2 tight slaps, to bring me back - connect with myself - to stop lying to myself that i can adjust with any life.. for the fact is - I AM WHO AND WHAT I AM -and i have my DREAMS and i am not apologetic for it, and i dont think i am going to give up so damn easy on them.. i dont think life is about bending over, being flexible - ya sure, but not letting the world or even those close to you walk all over you!!!!
well... i think i am going through a transition period - it is difficult but i find my sight becoming clearer....

well.. until more revelations, and changes in perspectives... .god speed to me :-)

Saturday

2004-08-28T15:21:00.000+05:30

hmmm... saturday... supposedly for the young at heart.. to enjoy a day off... n where am i ?? ?at work off course.. my life seems to be passing me by while i sit in the office and work n work to meet deadlines... :-(

To think I, the smart n strong woman would find myself in a place like this in life.. is so unbeleivable, not even in my wildest dreams or worst case scenario thoughts, did i see this coming!!!!
well, as they say, Life is about the unexpected, its about the lessons.. its about KARMA!!!!

DAY 1

2004-08-25T03:04:00.000+05:30

Hello BLOG.... my very own BLOG... WOW... I can feel this is going to be GREAT FUN!!!!

LOVE the PINK.. it's Hope, cheer, strawberry ice cream, candy, it's innocent joy....... this is what i want in my life!!!! this is what i love about color.. it is so full of expression - no words, no sounds..just Color.....